poo-tee-weet?

The most important thing I learned on Tralfamadore was that when a person dies he only appears to die. He is still very much alive in the past, so it is very silly for people to cry at his funeral. All moments, past, present, and future, always have existed, always will exist. The Tralfamadorians can look at all the different moments just the way we can look at a stretch of the Rocky Mountains, for instance. They can see how permanent all the moments are, and they can look at any moment that interests them. It is just an illusion we have here on Earth that one moment follows another one, like beads on a string, and that once a moment is gone it is gone forever.

-Billy Pilgrim

pardon me sir, but you're standing on my face

Error 404 file not found. The requested URL could not be found on this server, or anywhere else for that matter. You probably entered the address wrong, jackass. Or maybe a leprechaun tricked you into coming here. By now, he's probably half-way to South America with all your jewelry and sexually harassing the flight attendant. For technical support, call the pyschic hotline. Or not, just as long as you don't bother me anymore.
Disclaimer: Miss Cleo does not hold a degree in computer science, nor does she have any training in IT or electronics. In fact, she doesn't have any training at all. She does, however, have a G.E.D. and her jamaican accent suggests to your feeble mind that she could be the daughter of a witch doctor, soothsayer, or tarot card manufacturer. You should not give her your real name, or your IP address. If she asks for the location of your DHCP server, do not reveal it, for this is a sign that she may be practicing black magic, or that you will overcome a difficult problem in the next month.

a problem with the problem page

Above: An anti-Japan demonstrator in China protests in front of the Japanese embassy by doing pirouettes in a ridiculous jogging suit.

In other news, today marks the 139th anniversary of the invention of the peppermint patty by Lord Edwin York of Sussex. Not to be confused with the vulgar Peanuts character Peppermint Patty who pretended to be annoyed when Marcy called her "sir," but secretly it turned her on. Lord York got the idea for his minty creation while visiting the vast rice paddies of southeast Asia. After initially coating clumps of rice with chocolate, he endeavored to find a different white substance that would taste less terrible. After conducting numerous experiments (mostly concerning specific heats and pH levels) on possible substitutes like milk, oatmeal, bat guano, human brain tissue, and another type of rice, York gave up. However, his mother-in-law suggested peppermint, and he grudgingly agreed to give it a try. The rest is boring, boring history.

Disclaimer: Do not eat peppermint patties with cola. It's icky.

resistance is futile

   
   
   

you lost me at hello

Yea, and God said to Abraham, "you will kill your son, Isaac." And Abraham said, "I can't hear you. You'll have to speak into the microphone." "Oh, I'm sorry. Is this better? Check, check, check... Jerry, pull the high end out, I'm still getting some hiss back here."

If you don't have a song to sing, you're okay. You know how to get along humming.